Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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