I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Randomize
