Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
