I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
