He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
