dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
