Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
