haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
