everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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