Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We left an ass print on the piano.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
