I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
