I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
