Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
