Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
