you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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