How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
