I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
