Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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