no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
