god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
