whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
