I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
