just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Oh god it's open bar.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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