it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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