I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
