Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
