I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
