Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
