Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
