if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
