your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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