Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
