I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
