I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
