I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
