is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Small penises have feelings too.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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