My hair reeks of homosexuality.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
