my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
