that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
