Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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