All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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