Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
