Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
