you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
