I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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