Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
