Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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