I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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