i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
