You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
