thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
there's paper in my vomit.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
