New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
