The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
