Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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