Will you blow on my dice?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize