I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
