He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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